Warning, may contain hyperbole and logic (not at the same time). Read at your own risk.

Geez, nearly three months since my last post, that's just sloth right there. I'd be worried if I wasn't already fairly sure I'm going to hell. The great thing about this rant is not only is there such a gap since the last one, my topic is a lot more pertinent a month and a half ago. That topic is this: Superman (and Superman Returns in particular). I guess this contains spoilers if you haven't seen the movie.

Now, I like comics, and I like moves, but Superman Returns is a perfect example of the major flaws in both the Superman story and in recent movies. The problem with superman is that it is IMPOSSIBLE to kill that motherfucker. I mean, come on, you build yourself a giant kryptonite island, stab superman in the back (probably hitting a lung) and leave him to drown in the ocean. Maybe that last bit is a little sloppy, but that really ought to take him out of action for a t least a day or two. But no, all he has to do is remove your kryptonite shiv and expose himself to the sun for about 5 seconds and he's ready to carry your kryptonite island out into space (where he can set up another sequel). Now, considering how damage a tiny bit of kryptonite can do, you'd think that a WHOLE FUCKING ISLAND would at least weaken him enough that he would be incinerated upon re-entering the Earth's atmosphere, or if not completely torched, he would definitely die upon impact (think about it, with the size of that shockwave, he was traveling at a speed well above terminal velocity). But no (again), all he needs is a little nap and he's back 'saving' the world. Now, I accept that during the cold war, Superman was a great piece of subtle propaganda; put the idea of an invincible man in red&blue into the minds of our children, I cant think of a better symbol for how we wanted our country to be perceived. But you know what, the cold war's over, has been for over ten years, it's time to change things. The storytelling would be so much stronger if there was at least some doubt that he may not survive.

Now on to the next problem, THE FUCKING KID. That movie was 154 minutes long and at least 15 of those minutes were spent on "dramatic" close ups on junior there. This would be fine except for two problems. First, the kid didn't have the acting chops to pull it off, so we just see a confused child. And second, WE GET IT! IT'S SUPERMAN'S KID! Honestly, if you didn't get that after Luthor asked about it, well I can let that slide. But if you didn't get it after he crushed a thug with A FUCKING PIANO well, I'm sorry, but you're too stupid to be allowed to live. Come on, the kid has, at most, five lines of dialogue (and it's not important dialogue), so why did he have so much screen time?! It boggles the mind. now, I don't mind long movies, it's more value for my $8.50, but padding a movie out with that kind of bullshit is just irritating.