Sweet Crucified Baby Jesus

So, I just went to digg's RSS feed this evening an I find 40 of 77 stories about the HD-DVD bullshit. So I feel t that i might say this: "Digg is a privately owned entity; they may censor whatever they want. "QUIT YOUR BITCHING AND GET ON WITH YOUR COLLECTIVE LIFE!" That is all.

You should get a pinball machine that works

Holy shit, my lazy ass hasn't posted in over 4 months. Now, I could try to pull off an excuse involving massive amounts of school, work and a girlfriend but the fact is that would take much work and, as I mentioned earlier, my ass is lazy. But enough about my donkey, why am I posting here? Well, mainly i wanted to mention Beerfest on DVD, as most of you probably know, (since I don't think the people that don't know care about my blog) I am a fan of this libation made from water, yeast, malted barley, and hops that we call beer, it should be no surprise to you that I enjoy a movie about beer. And I will say this now if you like beer or titties, this is the movie for you; if you're looking for Citizen Kane, well you should probably just rent Citizen Kane.
The Beerfest DVD comes with ample special features which could have been left out. One look at the deleted scenes and you will know exactly why they were deleted, they suck. This is how most movies work, I have seen many DVDs where it seems clear to me that they have good (or funny) scenes that were never meant to go in the actual movie. Featurettes, what can I say about featurettes except that if I wanted to see them, I would watch AMC or, god forbid, VH1 for that. The only redeeming feature (I hope) is the commentaries. Now I haven't actually listened to these yet, but if the Super Troopers commentaries are any indication, they will be quality.
So in all, if you like beer, or you like Beerfest, grab your Krug, pop in the the DVD and enjoy the movie, but don't look for any great special features.

Warning, may contain hyperbole and logic (not at the same time). Read at your own risk.

Geez, nearly three months since my last post, that's just sloth right there. I'd be worried if I wasn't already fairly sure I'm going to hell. The great thing about this rant is not only is there such a gap since the last one, my topic is a lot more pertinent a month and a half ago. That topic is this: Superman (and Superman Returns in particular). I guess this contains spoilers if you haven't seen the movie.

Now, I like comics, and I like moves, but Superman Returns is a perfect example of the major flaws in both the Superman story and in recent movies. The problem with superman is that it is IMPOSSIBLE to kill that motherfucker. I mean, come on, you build yourself a giant kryptonite island, stab superman in the back (probably hitting a lung) and leave him to drown in the ocean. Maybe that last bit is a little sloppy, but that really ought to take him out of action for a t least a day or two. But no, all he has to do is remove your kryptonite shiv and expose himself to the sun for about 5 seconds and he's ready to carry your kryptonite island out into space (where he can set up another sequel). Now, considering how damage a tiny bit of kryptonite can do, you'd think that a WHOLE FUCKING ISLAND would at least weaken him enough that he would be incinerated upon re-entering the Earth's atmosphere, or if not completely torched, he would definitely die upon impact (think about it, with the size of that shockwave, he was traveling at a speed well above terminal velocity). But no (again), all he needs is a little nap and he's back 'saving' the world. Now, I accept that during the cold war, Superman was a great piece of subtle propaganda; put the idea of an invincible man in red&blue into the minds of our children, I cant think of a better symbol for how we wanted our country to be perceived. But you know what, the cold war's over, has been for over ten years, it's time to change things. The storytelling would be so much stronger if there was at least some doubt that he may not survive.

Now on to the next problem, THE FUCKING KID. That movie was 154 minutes long and at least 15 of those minutes were spent on "dramatic" close ups on junior there. This would be fine except for two problems. First, the kid didn't have the acting chops to pull it off, so we just see a confused child. And second, WE GET IT! IT'S SUPERMAN'S KID! Honestly, if you didn't get that after Luthor asked about it, well I can let that slide. But if you didn't get it after he crushed a thug with A FUCKING PIANO well, I'm sorry, but you're too stupid to be allowed to live. Come on, the kid has, at most, five lines of dialogue (and it's not important dialogue), so why did he have so much screen time?! It boggles the mind. now, I don't mind long movies, it's more value for my $8.50, but padding a movie out with that kind of bullshit is just irritating.

It's A Me!

So, after more than a month I am back. It's been a pretty busy time what with finals and translations and whatnot, but the real reason I haven't had a rant is that I couldn't think up a worthwhile topic. Well, I finally have a topic, and even though it's not a fully qualified rant, it's at least something.

(Last week), Nintendo, after 14 years, finally released a new side-scrolling Mario game (before you say "Hey! Super Mario World 2 came out in 1995 that's only 11 years asshole!" I feel the need to point out that it wasn't a Mario game. Sure, it featured him, but so did Yoshi's Cookie.).

Now don't get me wrong, I like Super Mario 64 as much as the next guy not only was it fun, but it also revolutionized the way we play video games. Super Mario Sunshine was great until you get to the mud boat part, then it was one of the most annoying games ever, plus, it came out 4 years ago. And the Game boy re-releases gave me an excuse to play the classics again (not that I really need one). But, a new Mario platformer, all I could say (when it was announced) was, "About fuckin' time."

Well, once I actually started playing, I was not disappointed. Well, maybe I was a little, I really liked the idea of having the koopalings rather than Bowser Jr. (plus, there's the issue of continuity), and there doesn’t appear to be any power up for flying, like the cape or the raccoon suit. They have removed the spin-jump that was present in Super Mario World and have essentially rendered the X, Y, L, and R buttons useless. Due to this, it almost feels as though they built the engine for the Game Boy Advance and then decided to use the DS for the improved graphics capability.

In all, the gameplay is classic Super Mario, but when you play it you feel as though it has regressed to a game somewhere between SMB1 & SMB3 that has been repackaged with fancy graphics.

Ka-boom

Well, I didn't really have a topic this week anyway, but since I am having computer troubles there will be no rant until I fix both my desktop and my laptop. Also, it looks like the feed will be down for a while because blogger.com is fuckin' stupid and won't just leave atom syndication behind.

Fuckin' Fascinating

Over the last couple months it has become abundantly clear to me that Hollywood cannot promote it's way out of a wet paper bag. Today's case: Slither. First off the actual slithering occupies only a small part of the movie; therefore, naming the movie Slither is a complete misrepresentation. Secondly, all the clips in the trailer were taken from a 10-15 minute block in the film; making it look suspiciously like Squirm.

Since the movie did not resemble squirm at all I will take a moment to explain. The story focuses on the events in a rural town where an alien lands riding a meteorite. The alien then proceeds to take over the body of one of the townfolk (Michael Rooker). The alien then proceeds to take over the other town folk using little baby aliens that look like a mix between a slug and an earthworm (hence Slither). It is up to the wise-cracking sheriff (Nathan Fillion) and his childhood crush (Elizabeth Banks) to save the day.

Now if you think that this plot sounds suspiciously like a b-movie, you're right. The plot is not complicated, there is not 'twist' ending, but Fillion's performance makes one quickly forget about any problems that they had with the story (or anything else, for that matter). In the end, Slither is a throwback to the campy b-movies of yore, without too much camp.

Remember, remember...

Ok after a two weeks I'm finally posting again. There are various reasons for this delay; chief among them being that I am very lazy. Anyway, on with the rant.

As a chronic movie goer I have been lost for the last five months; (kind of like Jesus, but I'm not the son of god; to my knowledge) I was forced to exist on moves like Aeon Flux and Ultraviolet which made far more money than they deserved. But then finally, I was saved a movie that was actually good came out! Not only was it good, it was really good.

V for Vendetta is a story that is based in England in the not to distant future. A conservative (socially) party has taken control and slowly whittled away the citizens' rights under the pretext of national security (sounds familiar, doesn't it?). The title character is initially bent on revenge against the government which had used him as a subject in their germ/chemical warfare. He hides his presumably disfigured face behind a Guy Fawkes mask and in the end, he even learns a lesson. There were rainbows and pink bunny rabbits, I swear.

The situation, and the intended message of V, ring true considering the current political situation in the United States; perhaps a little too true. As a person who has not read the original comic I cannot comment on how faithful the movie was to the source material. However, it seems to me that the global political climate in the early 1980's would provide communism, rather than religious extremism, as the most likely cause for heightened security. The use of
germ/chemical warfare also seems suspect; while it is not a particularly new idea, I don't think that it would be at the front of people's minds at that time.

Since the film was brought to us by the Wachowski brothers, the 'minds' behind the Matrix trilogy, action is expected to be at the forefront of V; and it is. The film, much like it's 'hero', hides behind a mask; if you look at it casually you may just see another movie filled with big explosions and serial killings. However, for those who care to look beyond the veneer there is a plethora of unanswered questions and a message that should not be missed. This message can be best summed up with this quote "Those who trade in their freedom for security deserve neither" (I'm too lazy to find the person who said it first, but it wasn't me. Also, that may not be an exact quote; meh.).

In the end I suggest that everybody go to see this movie and draw their own conclusions. The story is revealed in such a way that the events of this world before and after the bits we are shown are left ambiguous; leaving the viewer to decide what they feel happened. This allows the message to exist almost separate from the story. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and believe that you do as well, my only fear is that people will attend the movie not expecting to think and therefore refuse to do so. Do not let the message of this move disappear like so many others have.